My Secrets for Dealing with Uncertainty and Change

When I was doing research for my first meditation class, I came across this statement on the Psychology Today website:

“Uncertainty is the root of anxiety.”

Read that again… let it sink in.

“Uncertainty is the root of anxiety.”

The context of my research was how information overload contributes to our collective inability to find calm (for consideration, we consume about 34g of data a day! 🤯 Also for consideration, everyone tells me they can’t meditate, which signals a societal issue versus a personality flaw).

Anyway, what I also found interesting was how it’s not just about being bombarded with cool stuff (like this email I hope 😆), but the relationship to information is also different than in years past because we can FIND OUT whatever we want at any given moment.

Anything can be googled, asked of ChatGPT, searched on Instagram and now AI is even pre-emptively giving us answers, like the auto-generated Facebook comments we can click on instead of writing our own thoughts. We can find out where our loved ones are in 20 seconds on Life360. We can text someone and they write back while we’re looking at our phones.

I appreciate the resources technology provides.

The flip side of the constant availability of information is what happens when we’re in situations where there are unknowns and uncertainties.

We have become less resilient to change and uncertainty because we experience it less and less and less in our daily lives. All data is at our fingertips.

But life is so far from data driven…

The position you think is stable.
The parent whose heart suddenly doesn’t work right.
The blizzard that keeps you from doing your job.

These are all things that happened in my life recently – uncertainty front and center.

Or maybe it’s a change you want. Something exciting and new, but different. Guess what – uncertainty, front and center – even if you planned or prepared for it.

Consider for a moment about how confident, comfortable, happy, and settled you are when things feel certain.

Contrast that with something you feel uncertain about or know is going change. How many unanswerable, ungooglable questions does it bring up? What do we do with these feelings? With anxiety, angst and frustration or sadness or fear or lack of control…

How will you show up?
How will you take care of yourself?
How will you talk to yourself?

Here’s how I choose to handle uncertainties and change:

I double-down on the process and choices that keep me grounded during regular life.

1. Stick to the basics of nourishment, no matter what – water and real food, especially veggies and protein. I don’t use hard times as a reason or justification to eat junk food or more sugar.
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2. I keep up my practices that help me stay centered – journaling, sacred reading time, movement, meditation. These are things that connect me to energy and spirit outside my own limited mind. There is less time for all my favorites, but I won’t let there be none.
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3. I comfort myself with words that sound true and not “it’s going to be ok” because that is a lie at that moment and my body knows it. I have no idea how things are going to play out. Instead I say things like:
   • “This is hard, AND I am resilient.”
   • “Come on baby girl, you got this.” or if I have adrenaline, it might be more like, “Let’s F’in Go!” or if I need rest, “It’s alright to not push right now.”
4. I ask for hugs. I ask for help. Remembering I don’t have to do it alone.
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5. I recognize and address my fears. I pause and ask myself what’s going on because the fear is there whether you acknowledge it or not and often it just sits in the body as stress and dis-ease, so by admitting it, I can circulate and allow it to dissipate.
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   Often I’m surprised about the thing beneath the thing: “Oh wow… that’s really what I’m afraid of!” I also call bullshit on my brain when it’s making everything catastrophic… usually it means we’re going to end up homeless.
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6. I take action. Worry roots when we feel like there’s nothing we can do, so I’ll ask myself, is this something I can take action on or is it a situation outside of my control? If it’s something that I can influence with my involvement, then that helps to create some action steps instead of thought looping about what ifs.
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   Also, if I can’t sleep, then I tell myself, get up now and go do something about it instead of laying here. Usually it becomes clear that I’m not actually interested in doing anything in that moment, just thinking.

Here’s the thing that I find so confusing about our society, I don’t understand why we prioritize taking care of ourselves when things are easy and then less when it’s hard. That’s exactly when we need it!

Of course, I realize that it is a time thing or maybe convenience. It’s absolutely tough when you get out of routine or have to devote more energy to someone or something else.

However, I reject the all or nothing paradigm.

I will always take care of myself – even in the face of uncertainty, even with big changes, even if it’s the bare minimum.

Uncertainty and change will always be a part of life. We can’t google everything.

So the question is, can you choose to take care of yourself in whatever way that is meaningful and important to you, no matter what?

Come on, you’ve got this…

May you see yourself as worthy of the tenderest of care. May you believe you can thrive even during hardship. May you ask for help. Many hugs!